The Purpose In Everything

In the past few months I have been experiencing my own set of hardships. I have written about them extensively in other articles. I lost any chance of getting a scholarship or loan to continue my doctorate-level education and was forced to move back home to Florida from California.

I was not happy about that. I blamed God. I blamed some members of my family for continuing to celebrate the achievements (often negative) of other members of the family and ignoring me. I was mad at other people’s inability to know the oft quoted metaphor by Christians the world over. The metaphor states that if your neighbor is drowning don’t throw a party in their face. In other words, help your neighbor. There’s so many people in this world rushing to help celebrate evil. This is especially evident when celebrities who continue to do heinous things do not receive a reduction in pay or fan base.

I went through alot emotionally for the first few months I was back in Florida. I was severely depressed. God did not allow me to get any full-time job in the place I felt most comfortable in-California. California is a state where I could be free to feel as if I can have alot of White friends or Hispanic friends as a Black woman and not receive stares of awe from onlookers who are not familiar with people who care about the plight of other cultures long enough outside of work. I cannot say that I’ve shared that sentiment during my periods of living in the American South. I never felt free to date or befriend who I choose without being ridiculed for not giving enough attention to lifting the Black conscience. The racial climate and general awareness of anything outside of the neighborhoods on the east coast by some is particularly annoying.

My depression manifested itself in several ways. One way was continuing to be in a romantic relationship that I should not be in. At one point I told his parents the extent of my depression and they continued to take advantage of my emotions- making promises they never intended to keep. I finally ceased the relationship only forty-five days ago. Since then God’s sent me amazing brothers in the faith to demonstrate to me exactly how a man should treat me and the behaviors I am not to expect from a boyfriend or his family. Despite the depression I do love myself. I need to act like it at all times. Having Christian friends who are dedicated to the religion helps.

My depression was built from anger. Anger in not securing a long-term full-time job within the seven years after earning my Bachelor’s degree. Anger in still not finding the man I am going to marry even if the actual ceremony is more than a year away. Anger in living in a world in which Black wealth would be accumulated a little bit more if the opioid and depression epidemics were not ravaging through this country. If only people cared about themselves and their neighbors.

Then I remember that my Bible tells me that God cares for the hopeless and the destitute. He helps people through depression and sickness and disease. It is the Lord that gives increase and decrease (see Job 1:21). I cannot complain. I am God’s servant. He loves me. He is not the author of evil but He will allow a test of endurance in order to make a person have the skills necessary to survive in an evil world. Romans 5:4 states that endurance tests our character.   

I also know from the book The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz that I am supposed to not assume that everyone who displays an angry vendetta against me is actually angry at me. The person may be experiencing their own sets of issues that the person is allowing to control their thinking and act abnormally. Other people may simply be an innocent recipient of negative emotions. There are so many extraneous factors to why people behave the way that they do.

And then I also remember that many successful people did not get their big break in their twenties either. Believe God. Be thankful that God purposed every step in your life for a reason. Every place He sends you to is not a mistake. It is part of a larger scheme. You may not have the cookie cutter life that all of your friends have. But you have the life the Lord designed just for you.