Leaning In – Can Women Really Have it All

Leaning In – Can Women Really Have it All

     A few years ago I had the pleasure of ready “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg. I found the book very insightful and it had a profound impact on my thoughts regarding balancing my family and my career. Because I started having my children early, I felt for a long time that choosing children meant that I was foregoing the option of a serious career. Sure I would have to take odd jobs to help my husband support our family, but there was no way I would be able to get the education I needed and be able to make a real push for a career I loved.

     I’ve always wanted to work in some capacity in the writing field; maybe as an editor for a publishing company or even as a copywriter for a large corporation here in Las Vegas. After my first attempt at college in my early twenties, I decided that I was a mother, and that was all I had room for. It was the choice I made, so while for the most part I was content, I always had this little feeling that something was missing. I would go through spells where I felt like I was lost, or I was being swallowed up in the routine of working my day job, and coming home and taking care of the kids. It took a while before I pinpointed the source of my dissatisfaction. While I always knew I wanted to be a mother, I also from a very young age, new I loved literature and writing. I realized I had been stifling the very important creative aspect of who I was.

     I spent a few more years getting my life in order – wising up and leaving my youthful, hasty marriage to an incompatible husband, and started to do some real soul searching. Around this time while listening to NPR on the radio in the car, I heard they were about to air an interview with a very powerful career woman and mother named Sheryl Sandberg about her new book Lean In.  I loved the interview and the things she had to say about women, career and family and went straight home and bought the book on my kindle. I absolutely loved it. It was so empowering to hear her say that it was ok for a woman who was a mother to also have a career. It had taken me so long to decide what I wanted to do with my life, and to have it validated in this book gave me that final push to return to school – without the guilt. 

     Three years into my journey of obtaining my degree, I feel more fulfilled than at any time in my life. Tired- but fulfilled! I am learning so much about striking the correct balance between my personal needs and my obligations to others. Admittedly, that is not always an easy balance to find, but I have been learning more and more about the importance of doing things just for me.

     In her book Lean In, Sandberg addresses the question of whether or not women can have it all or do it all in chapter 9. Entitled, “The Myth of Doing it All” she explains that the feeling that women need to do it all or have it all in terms of a family and career is an unreal and unfair characterization that only women have to deal with. While most American families are comprised of two parent homes, only women are faced with the question, “how do you do it all?” I know I personally judge myself a lot and feel that I am doing most of my tasks inadequately. We can be our own worse critics because we feel that we have to do everything just right. When I decided to go back to school, I also had to decide to be ok with the fact that sometimes all of the laundry for my six person family wasn’t going to be complete each weekend, or once a week, my family may have to have takeout (or my husband’s homemade sloppy joe’s). Sandberg (2013) says that “Aiming for perfect causes frustration at best and paralysis at worst”. I have decided that I don’t want it all. I want to be happy and fulfilled. Sometimes that may mean all of my homework is done, but the dishes are not, and that’s perfectly ok.

Reference: Sandberg, S. (2013). Lean In. New York, New: Alfred A. Knopf.

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